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I am due with Baby #10 tomorrow.
(As if any baby gave a hoot and a half about when their "due date" might be...)*sigh*
I am excited, nervous, tired... all of those 9-month-pregnant-lady things. I am also so excited to NOT be pregnant, that I am willing to go through labor and delivery.Shouldn't that count for something? (Okay, body, get to work! *wink*)
I am feeling that my baby-bearing days are over, and that makes me sad and relieved all at the same time. I realize that I am no Michelle Duggar (LOVE her, by the way) and that the Lord is not going to require me to run faster than I have strength. My older kids are needing more mothering and mentoring from me. And it does feel like our family is pretty complete.
I want to follow the Lord's plan for me and my family. And I love babies and have relatively easy pregnancies. But I am beginning to feel my age, and I can see that the needs of my big kids are falling by the wayside, at times, because babies require so much of this mother's time and focus.How does one gracefully give up the baby years and move forward with mothering?In a way, the potential for change in my life scares me. I am now an EXPERT on birthing, nursing, changing, training, and mothering babies. (ha!) I've been doing it constantly for almost 15 years! Can I also be successful at guiding my youth into adulthood? Can I really be able to help them face life? Then again, if I don't do it, who will...?
I guess motherhood is not just about having babies. All children need a loving mother throughout their lives. It is humbling to know that these ten people are not only here because of me, but that they will continue to grow and learn and make decisions based on what they are taught by me-- in both my words and my example. Of course, I've always known this, but now I feel that I'm awakening to the reality of my future mothering life. One without new babies in it to fill my time, and garner most of my attention.
It almost feels like starting over. With my first baby, I was 19, enjoying life as a newly-wed and college student. And then the babies just kept coming, and suddenly, I'm in my thirties and wondering how the time has gone by so fast.
Something I know for sure: children are a gift from God-- each and every one. And I feel humbled and grateful that the Lord has entrusted me with so many of his wonderful children.
I am anxious to meet our sweet baby #10. She is really going to be loved.