Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Urgent Article for Wives

It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
Proverbs 21:19

Dear Friends,

I know it's time for another "House of Order" post, but I just read an article for wives that I simply MUST share!!!

Here are a few excerpts from this important, sometimes uncomfortable, article that I feel EVERY LDS wife NEEDS to read, ponder, pray over, and ACT on!

From one desperate husband:
“But what about us men whose wives treat them like slaves? I've been married 30+ years and have never had a breakfast or lunch made. She won't even wake up to see me off in the morning, and when I come home in the evening I'm expected to do my share of the housework, and somehow my share is the biggest share. Oh, my wife is a full-time homemaker."
“I am allowed two pair of pants; anything else is a waste according to my wife who can fill two closets. I don't even own a pair of jeans to do yard work."
“My wife has only said "thank you" twice in our marriage for me holding the door open for her."
How his words just break my heart! None of us should shirk our important stewardship as wives and helpmeets!!!

This article is not afraid to address how important intimacy is for husbands:
President Spencer W. Kimball said, “There are many aspects to love in marriage, and sex is an important one.  Just as married partners are not for others they are for each other.” (Miracle of Forgiveness, p. 73)
One husband was courageous in really telling the truth that is happening in WAAAY too many LDS homes!
One disheartened husband wrote, “Like many good husbands, I work long hours at my job, hold responsibilities in the church, and also do my share of cooking meals, washing dishes, taking out trash, bathing young kids, and the rest of the household chores.  My wife works a part time job that allows her to be home with the children most of the time."
“Here is what I have observed with my wife and many sisters in the church under 40.  They don't feel that running a house and taking care of children is rewarding or their primary responsibility.  They have many activities taking them away from the children and out of the home.  They have their TV shows that they watch religiously, no matter what impact that has on children's schedules, family scripture reading, and family prayer time.  Many seem proud that they can't cook, can't iron, and rarely do any housecleaning.  My wife and I have talked through these issues, and we are trying better to meet each others needs. . . ."
“Several recent studies show that American men work about 10 hours more per week than their dads did, many have hour long commutes, and that American men spend more hours caring for children and doing housework than other men, or their fathers did."
“The reality is that American LDS men are working longer, spending more time with children and housework than ever before, while American LDS women are doing less.  They have fewer children than before, they spend less time caring for the children and home.  My wife points out that she spends more time driving the kids to activities.  After a while, we both chose to limit the children's participation in sports and activities to make more time for the family.”
Dear Sisters! Do we recognize ourselves in any of this? I am so ashamed to realize how much we sometimes fail our husbands, our brethren in the Gospel. I am so thankful for Sister Beck, and for her bravery in challenging us to DO BETTER!!!  

We CAN do better, dear Sisters, and I pray that each of us will take a good, long look at our priorities and come face to face with our weaknesses, and then go to our Father in Heaven in prayer and beg for His forgiveness and help in becoming the women of God He knows we can be!!!

Here's the link to the ENTIRE article:

Wake Up Call for Wives

I'd love to hear your comments and ideas on these difficult, though necessary, words!



  1. Great article! Thanks so much for sharing that. It must have been hard to write.

    I realized several months ago that I could use my time as a stay-at-home mom much better. There's nothing innately wrong with taking a nap or reading a good book, but I was devoting too much time to rest and frivolity and not doing enough. I've been trying to spend my time more wisely—and learning to balance that with the rest that I actually do need, occasionally.

    I've also realized that I don't have to save every "boy" activity for my husband. There are so many little things I need him to do around the house, and if I can hammer in a few nails myself, why make him do it? He keeps pretty busy fixing sprinkler systems and rebuilding gates and playing with the kids.

    There are definitely some things I could do better at!

  2. Hope you don't mind if an SDA comments.Just wanted to say ...I AGREE 100% with this article :-)

  3. I came from an abusive home, one where my father dominated everything. We cringed when he walked in the door and tiptoed through the day trying not to be noticed. This upbringing had a profoundly negative impact on my life and on how I viewed men.

    Thank goodness I have mended my views. Most men are good, they have feelings and needs. I'm happy to be married to the most awesome husband! I now find myself doing things for him that I never thought I would do because I viewed it as "servitude". I'm also thankful for Fascinating Womanhood's teachings, they are right along these lines.

    Great post, Rachel!

  4. Wow, it's amazing that man is still married!!! That is sad. Thanks for sharing this. I hope it gets around.

  5. Welcome, Thandi! I'm happy to have you join in! :-)


  6. This is a great post and I say Amen to it.
    We do need to take good care of our dear husbands. I copied the talk an will send it to our family.
    Thanks and blessings to you!
    Google will not let me comment. I found this can be solved if you go in on your comments and put pop up window.
    Living Waters by LeAnn

  7. The attitude plague among this generation truly is that of entitlement. Whether it is the husband, wife, or child taking the attitude of high-handedness and apathy toward divine duty it is not part of God's plan for our mortal experience. We will not become more like him unless we act like him.

    My only concern with the way this article is worded is that it can fill with guilt the perfectionist wives who are already at the end of their rope and still feel like they're not measuring up. The general authorities continually remind us how amazing we are. I truly believe that when we treat others the way the Lord treats them (inasmuch as we are able) we invite them to a higher standard.
    With that in mind, this golden rule of being Christ-like seems like the exact solution to the laziness and apathy problem described in this article. Thank you for posting, and thank you for being an example yourself. Let's all get home and do our jobs well!

    Another Mama Rachel :)

  8. I feel guilty enough about not being able to get as much done in the day. My husband KNOWS this and helps out HAPPILY. I know I am extremely blessed to have a husband who understands that. He often tells people that I have the harder job with homeschooling 7 kiddos and all the work involved in *trying* to keep the house running smoothly. I agree that I could always be more appreciative of all he does, especially since he will take the kids out so I can have a moment of peace to nap or do lesson planning.

  9. Wow! I'm kind of shocked by this article. Is this behavior really that common?
    But even as I type this, I realize that I actually grew up like this. Unfortunately I can see much of this behavior in my mom. My heart breaks for my dad because I can see how much he wants my moms love and attention, but she just isn't interested in spending time with him because she's busy doing her stuff. I've gone so far as trying to talk to her about it, but she didn't listen.
    Growing up with this as the example I realize I have some improving to do as well. I struggle with remembering to be more appreciative of my husbands efforts. But at least I've recognized the problem. That's a big part of changing, right?

  10. I'm thankful for my husband and all he does to provide for our family and care for our home. We have a more traditional relationship, with a clear division of duties (which we often help each other with). I think the important thing is that he tells me how much he appreciates all my hard work, and I do the same for him. We're a little older though (in then over forty category) so maybe your article is a generational thing.

  11. Reading this article gave me more perspective and helps me weed out the mentalities that are so popular today and celebrated for women and are just accepted as "good" or "normal", or worse, "empowering" It's just a false message. Men do not keep women down and they are not the stepping stone to have all that we want. It makes me feel like thanking my husband for doing his part so that I can do mine--he's always saying thank you to me and looking for ways to support me. It inspires me to support and love him even more. What a wonderful man! Thanks for this post.


Old Fashioned Motherhood will not approve any comments that are rude, negative, or disrespectful. Thanks for being civil! :-)

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