How We Transitioned from Unschooling to Structured Homeschooling

Now and then I enjoy participating in some homeschooling Facebook groups. Yesterday I was asked a question about our family's transition from unschooling to structured homeschooling. I thought I would share my response here, since some of my readers might be interested in how we changed our homeschool six years ago.

Question:

How did you transition [from unschooling to a structured homeschool] and do you feel like your kids are thriving? Do you feel like they still love learning?

My Answer:

Looking back, it happened gradually. First we added a set time where we gathered together for a short learning time. We held a Charlotte Mason-type meeting where we did copy-work, worked on memorizing a short scripture, listened to a scripture story while doing some crafts or coloring, sang a song together, read something about the subject of the day (history, art study, music study, geography, or Shakespeare), and then I read aloud from a classic novel. The short lessons that Charlotte mason espoused REALLY helped us, and I tried to keep it light and fun.

My kids LOVED it, and my older kids watching me told me that they wished I had done homeschool with them life that. I was SHOCKED, to say the least! I thought they loved being in charge of what they studied, but they made it clear that they wished they had had more guidance during their homeschool years. As they became adults, their self-esteem plummeted when they discovered all that they had never learned.  That helped me keep going and working hard to TEACH the kids still at home.

 After a short time, we added an online math program, and I learned how to keep transcripts. We are still not yet strong in science, but so far we have made a good start with Nature Study (Botany!) and Astronomy. We plan to start some online science classes in the Fall. 

My kids do still love learning, but they now feel more strongly about setting goals and feeling confident in what they know and are learning. My older kids (3 "graduated" as unschoolers, two graduated with more structure and completed transcripts) still tell me that they love how I homeschool now, as opposed to how things used to be.
As a side note, my younger kids still have a more relaxed learning structure, but we are no longer unschoolers. They read a LOT, and do some writing and math every day. We watch science videos, and they do chores and science experiments. Then as they become teenagers, we add more academics and more structure. They take classes outside our home here and there. Their self-esteems are thriving because they KNOW where they stand academically.

Some may take the ACT/SAT and go to college, and some might not. But now they have OPTIONS, where my older kids feel they are "too dumb" to go to college. They are charting a different course, and I don't actually CARE if they go to college or not, but it makes me sad to know that they do not feel they are capable of thriving there, if they wanted to go.

I feel a great deal of peace with how things have worked out, in the end. I have regrets, but my older kids hold no grudges. When we know better, we do better, right? We are moving forward and utilizing all the wonderful resources that are out there. 

I am happy to answer any questions my readers may have about our journey in homeschooling. I want to be open and honest about our failures as well as our successes because I am so grateful for all that I have learned through this process!

Below are some of our favorite resources that have helped us along our way.

Favorite Resources:

• A great resource for LDS Charlotte Mason practitioners: https://www.ldscharlottemason.com/
• Learn to make your own transcripts at www.thehomescholar.com 
• My kids' favorite math program to date: https://coloskys-math-academy.thinkific.com/
• Another great online math program: www.ctcmath.com
• The LDS online school my kids will start taking some classes from this Fall: www.ensignpeakacademy.com
• A fantastic resource for free high school courses: https://allinonehighschool.com/

I wish you all the very best in your family's homeschool journey!

Love,

Mama Rachel

Heritage Recipe: Grandma's Busy Day Cake

This recipe was one of the first I hand-copied out of my mother's recipe book when I was a young bride. I have made it many times over the years, and it always turns out beautifully!

You can read a bit more about my AMAZING, faithful, hard-working, inspiring Grandma Nielsen here. She was reunited with my loving Grandpa Nielsen in heaven in August of 2014. I treasure every memory I have of her, and that is one reason why this recipe is such a special one. I can picture her busy in the kitchen, baking this cake for her eight children, and then for her multitude of grandchildren.

Notice the words and artwork added by my son Lliam many years ago. He's now 21 years old.

PRINTABLE RECIPE HERE

Grandma Nielsen’s Busy Day Cake

{From Grandma Lawana Nielsen}

Cake Ingredients:

• 1 ⅔ c. flour
• ¼ tea salt
• 1 ½ tea. cinnamon
• ½ tea. nutmeg
• ¼ tea. cloves
• 2 ½ tea. baking powder
• 1 c. sugar
• 1 egg
• ⅔ c. milk (@ room temperature)
• ⅓ c. shortening

Topping Ingredients:

• 3 Tbl. melted butter
• 5 Tbl. brown sugar
• 3-5 Tbl. cream or evaporated milk (regular milk will do in a pinch.)
• ½ c. coconut and/or chopped nuts

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
2. Sift dry ingredients together.
3. Add remaining ingredients to dry ingredients.
4. BEAT on high for 2 minutes.
5. Pour batter into a greased 9x13 pan.
6. Bake in the preheated 375 oven for 25 minutes.
7. Make topping.
8. Remove cake from oven.
9. Spread topping on top of warm cake.
10. Return cake to oven on high broil-- watch it carefully!
11. Remove from the oven as soon as the topping is brown and bubbly.
12. Serve warm!

Our Home: Babylon? Or Zion?

One morning last week, I awoke with a question in my mind:

Is your home like Zion? Or is it more like Babylon?

This question startled me. But it also made me think seriously about the atmosphere in my home, and I began to ask myself more questions, such as:

• What am I spending my time doing? 
• What activities are a true priority for me, based on my actions, and not just my words? 
• What kind of media is our family exposed to? 
• Are there attitudes and ideas creeping in that are leading us down the wrong path? 
• How do we speak to one another in our home? How do we treat one another?
• What messages am I sending my children?

I then sat down to write a list of words in my journal that describe the two cultures of Babylon and Zion, and I came up with the lists below.

Words that describe Babylon:

• Proud 
• Wicked 
• Selfish
• Annoyed 
• Judgmental
• Critical 
• Negative 
• Mocking 
•  Rejection 
• Derision 
• Impatient
• Contentious
• Angry
• Snobbish 
• Rude 
• Mean
• Unfriendly 
• Sarcastic
• Immodest 
• Lustful
• Ungrateful 
• Fearful
• Worried 
• Irritated 
• Vain
• Materialistic
• Stubborn
• Trendy 
• Haughty
• Rebellious
• Filthy
• Dismissive 
• Frustrated

Words that describe Zion:

• Humble 
• Loving 
• Kind 
• Patient 
• Giving 
• Generous 
• Happy 
• Unselfish 
• Peaceful 
• Content 
• Positive 
• Encouraging 
• Faithful 
• Obedient 
• Clean 
• Pure 
• United 
• Supportive 
• Beautiful 
• Holy 
• Teachable 
• Hopeful 
• Loyal 
• Courageous 
• Safe 
• Honest 
• Grateful 
• Joyful 
• Sharing 
• Helpful 
• Forgiving 
• Simple 
• Willing 
• Understanding 
• Sympathetic 
• Integrity 
• True 
• Service 
• Righteous 
• Trustworthy 
• Christ-like

A Litmus Test

After pondering on this on my own, I decided to discuss these questions with my family, and we came up with a list of things we wanted to stop doing in order to eliminate "Babylonian" culture from our home. We also made a list of things we have been doing that make our home feel more like "Zion-like," that we want to continue doing. And lastly, we made a list of things that we want to add to our family culture that will help our home feel more like Zion, and less like Babylon.

Some things on our list that the kids suggested was spending less time on computers and devices, less time watching movies, and more time playing games together. We also wanted to continue our daily family prayers and scriptures study.

A Free Family Home Evening Plan

If you would like to use the lesson we shared in our home, below is the link to the Family Home Evening plan on Google Drive:

Our Zion Home FHE

With a prayer for each of our homes,

Mama Rachel

Thoughts from the Hearth: Week Three

Photo source unknown, found on Instagram

*Please note that I was too tired to put any affiliate links in this post. Just FYI! *

Okay, so this is a VERY late "Week 3..." I apologize for falling off the consistency bandwagon. We have had a CRAZY-BUSY month since I last posted...

On my mind-

Trials. Change. Times of transition. Our family seems to be getting a lot all at once.

We are planning a move at the end of May to the area where my husband and I grew up-- both sets of our parents are still there, and we decided it was time to move our family near them. 

We have not done a BIG move out of our area or state since 2010, and our kids-- especially the teenagers-- are not completely looking forward to it. Honestly, it is a very difficult move for me, too. Arizona has been our beloved home for the most part of fourteen years. We will all miss the culture, the beautiful winters, the amazing people... and the lack of Daylight Savings Time...

Yeah. 

But it feels right, the employment issues are working great, and things are falling into place. Which leads me to...

Grateful for-

We found a house in our new state! And after TEN YEARS of renting, we are actually able to buy this one.

THAT feels awesome!

My hubby and I took a plane ride up to our new state to look at some houses that we'd been researching for quite a long time. We knew we could not make a good decision unless we looked at them in person.

It was quite an exhausting experience, emotionally and physically. The house that we had been SURE we wanted and loved turned out to not be the right house for us, which broke our hearts. And then, we found something AMAZING and perfect, but it was more than we really wanted to spend, and would have been overwhelming to take care of. And so, we broke our hearts again.

Then, the last few hours before our plane took off to take us back home, we found something unexpected in an area that wasn't on our radar. And so we made an offer the day after we got home, and it was accepted.

We are buying a house!!! And I am so grateful.

Pondering-

BIG changes have been happening in our family, and they are only going to be coming faster and more often as time marches on.

Our oldest daughter got accepted to a little college in southern Utah, and she is THRILLED. We are excited for her, but we are going to miss her terribly. She begins her new adventure right around the same time we move up north.

And then, there's our married son and his bride that will be staying here in Arizona. It will be sooo hard to leave them behind. SIGH.

Our 20yo son is not planning on coming with us, either, which is worrying this mama to death. I just don;t like this whole idea of children leaving the nest. Yeah, I know I'm a wimp. But I don't like it. One. Little. Bit.

SIGH. SIGH. SIGH.

My messy business notes

Organizing-

I have had a enormous breakthrough in organizing my business thoughts this week! Consolidating all my business ideas has been something that has hounded me for several years, and I have never been able to find a way to bring together all the things I have wanted to do, such as: promoting and encouraging traditional motherhood, sharing homeschool methodology and curricula, Shakespeare.

I mean, what could these things possibly have in common?

Well, I feel that the Lord gave me an epiphany or two on how to bring all those things together during a few quiet hours without distractions in the dentist's office this week. And I am excited to share them here in the coming months!

Creating-

Okay, since my thoughts have begun to get untangled, I am facing the work I have before me. I have many things to write, and loads of planning to complete. It's not going to be quick or easy, but at least I now have a direction! Yay!

Reading-

Oh, I do still love the principles of Japanese "tidying up." I began what we now call "The Great Purge" back in 2015 using the principles in "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" by Marie Kondo. It was the only way we were able to move into a house half the size of where we were living at the time. We got rid of a TON of stuff at the time, and I have been able to maintain the tidying I did at the time, but we never did finish the entire process, due to life-happenings.

Well, I just got Marie Kondo's most recent book, called "Spark Joy," and I am really enjoying reading it! It is more in depth than her first book, and also addresses more complex issue like how to deal with other people's stuff, and how to tidy with your kids.

I am again thanking my lucky stars that we color-coded the kids clothes, because that means that the process of tidying all the kids' excess clothes is already done! Check off step one of tidying for the kids.

Homemaking-

The cleanliness of our home is definitely where I wish it were right now, but I am hoping that the tidying/de-cluttering and the packing of the house will eventually help over time.

One other big issue we are having in the homemaking department is that our washing machine quit working, and so the laundry (especially all the bedding that we pulled off everyone's beds last weekend) is back-logged. 

The repairman is coming tomorrow, so I'm hoping we can get that fixed very soon.

Picking lemons off our lemon tree

Songhaven Homeschool of Fine Arts-

We are on Spring Break, and it has been a blessing, since I have had time to begin the packing process. We begin our third term on Monday. Yay!

Scripture Study-

I am still really enjoying my study of the Doctrine and Covenants. I am constantly amazed at how much love the Lord has for us, and how often He calls us to repentance. He is waiting there to save us, if only we just turn to Him!

"And again, the Lord shall utter his voice out of heaven, saying: Hearken, O ye nations of the earth, and hear the words of that God who made you. O, ye nations of the earth, how often would I have gathered you together as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, but ye would not!" Doctrine and Covenants 43:23-24

Pink is the color for our "Common Room," where we do most of our homeschooling

Something to Share-

We have moved a TON of times. I am embarrassed to even say the number of times out loud, but it should suffice to say that it is more than most military families I know. It crazy, really.

Today I just thought I'd quickly share some of the helpful methods of my moving process here, in case they might help someone else.

First of all, I begin with decluttering and organizing storage items, and also start packing the MANY books we own. I usually get cardboard bankers or paper boxes for packing our books, but this time when I went in to Staples to buy their usual $1 each paper boxes, they said they don't do that any more. *sad face* So I bought some over-priced shipping boxes-- I don't know that I'll do that too many more times. (Boo, Staples!)

My other favorite boxes to pack in are the large plastic bins you can buy at WalMart for around $5 each. One has to be careful not to over-pack these, so that they're too heavy, but they stack quite beautifully, and are VERY sturdy.

I use color-coded sticker labels for both kinds of boxes, and cover each label with clear packing tape, so that the labels don't fall off. I also label the heck out of each box, putting labels on all four sides, and also on the top of each box, so that I won't have to turn the boxes during the moving and unpacking process to see what is in each one. It might be overkill for some, but it is a HUGE help for me!

Aw, I can't believe I'm moving again... Bleh...

Storage boxes always have plain, white labels.
I put clear packing tape over each label so they don't fall off.

Final thoughts-

I am very tired, but satisfied about all the things I got done this week. I still have a LONG way to go before we are ready to move at the end of May, but I can now say that I have the VISION to do it. 

We can do hard things, Mamas!!!

Love, Mama Rachel

Homemaking Systems I Use for My BIG Family

Welcome back, friends!

As I started working on this post, I found that my outline was getting more detailed. Which means that this article could get waaay too long in short order. (That's never happened before here, has it?! HA!)

And, so, I thought I'd use this post to give you the outline of the five systems overall, and then I will break down each one into more specifics in a new blog post each week. 

This is going to be so fun!

1) Tidying

First of all, I like to "Tidy Up" whatever area I will be working in. This makes me feel more successful in my day, and even helps the kids function better. No one-- not even squirrelly children-- truly functions well in chaos. I am a creative-type person, so I know from experience that messes are made in the midst of inspiration, but it is easier for me to get inspired once a place has been "tidied."

Tidying, by my definition, is not making things pristine. It does not mean that you deep clean to create an immaculate place where your neighbors are going to come and do dust inspections.

No.

Tidying means clearing away trash, consolidating piles of papers into stacks (papers are my personal Kryptonite), putting away the most egregiously out-of-place items, and doing a quick sweep and wipe-down/brush off of obvious surfaces.

It means stacking dishes in the sink so they don't look like a bottomless cesspool, and putting small pans inside larger ones to take up less room on the counter top.

2) Cleaning

This word means exactly what you think it means. I define "Cleaning" as the scrubbing, wiping, washing, shining that needs to happen in order for a home to feel welcoming and comfortable.

And so people don't get deathly ill.

I have a few methods I use that make cleaning in this house full of people MUCH easier for all of us. I will cover those in depth in my upcoming post on Cleaning.

3) Deep Cleaning

I have a confession to make here. If you've been following my blog for many years, you will know that I move a lot. No, I mean, a LOT! 

I once compared the numbers of our moves with a guy who grew up in a military family, and we had moved twice as much as him.

It's pathetic, actually.

When we move, I deep-- I mean DEEP, clean. But then, there are other times we should be deep cleaning, as well. Not everyone is as crazy about moving as I must be!

There are times and seasons I schedule for this, one area at a time. It makes what can be an overwhelming task easier to manage well.

4) Maintaining

One thing that really is different between homeschooling moms and moms who send their kids to school, is that homeschooling moms never really have hours of time to clean each day. I think that is the most frequent comment I get from other moms: "When do you get time to CLEAN?"

I have a couple of witty answers to this question, but to be brief, let's first just say that my standards of clean may not be as high as some.

AHEM.

Secondly, in the case of my family, the cause is also the cure.

Yes, folks, we resort to child labor around here. This mama of thirteen is not equipped to clean up after thirteen people alone! If anyone is outnumbered in this arena, it's mothers-of-many. And so we make our minions contribute. 

It's good for them!

5) Beautifying

Once a young man, a friend of one of my sons, walked into our house and declared "Your house looks like a Grandma's House."

Even though his tone of voice was not complimentary, I could have kissed him.

Yes, that is what I am going for, son! Comfort. Sentimentality. All the feels.

When it's YOUR home, you should make it a place you never want to leave. The Joneses don't figure into this area of the Homemaking Arts, and neither should we worry about being Pinterest-Perfect.

Homes should be places where our families feel loved and content. They should be a haven from the storms of life, not photos that belong in magazine pages.

I am really looking forward to sharing more of my thoughts on the subject of Beautifying, as well as all the other systems I use.

I'd love to hear more about YOUR tips for homemaking, so please share them in the comments below.

Here's to creating the homes that make family life sweet!

Love, Mama Rachel

A Wedding and a New Series

Ever since October, I have been BUSY BEYOND BELIEF.

Now, I know what you're going to say:

"Of course you were! We were ALL going crazy with Christmas shopping, parties, recitals, concerts, events, etc."

Ah, but have I mentioned that MY SON IS GETTING MARRIED???

Okay, so I guess I did here. 

It is a wonderful thing, and we are so excited!!!

I am also stressed. Out. Of. My. Mind.

"But you're just the mother of the groom! You don't have to do much."

Au contraire, mon ami! You are talking to The Girl Who Volunteers.

It is just the way I am wired. 

And I like it that way.

*COUGH-control-freak-COUGH*

Here's What I'm Doing

Flowergirl Dresses and Bridesmaid skirts

I am sewing! Yes, I get to sew beautiful dresses!

Five flowergirls, two bridesmaid skirts, two adorable bowties, and one official bridesmaid dress.

Aaaand...

I'm doing the decorations for the wedding.

Yes, I am crazy in the head. 

But I also REALLY love weddings. And decorating. And sewing. And being a control freak  helping out.

Why in the world are you blogging right now???

So here I am, nine days before my son's wedding, and yes, I still have stuff to do... BUT I also want to start the 2017 year of the Old-Fashioned Motherhood blog off right.

With that little introduction, I hope you will come back here, around two weeks from now, for my newest blog series: 

Helpful Homemaking Tips (From a Mom of 13 kids)

I like to think that I have learned a thing or two about taking care of a home FILLED to the brim with people-- and I don't just mean on the weekends. 

That is not to say that I am perfect at it-- okay, not even close-- but there are systems that I use that make life a LOT more manageable in the midst of mayhem.

And I want to share them in the hopes that other moms will find a tip or two that might better help them manage their mayhem in the coming year.

HAPPY 2017!!! 

And see you in two weeks...

Love,

Mama Rachel

FREE Christmas Devotional Booklet

I am so excited to share my latest project with my readers and homeschooling friends!

I have put together a FREE e-book of one of my favorite traditions that will be available DECEMBER 1st!!!: 

• It's a Homeschool Christmas Devotional book for short and sweet, daily homeschool lessons during the holidays, 
• OR a Devotional Booklet for any family that would like to implement family Christmas devotionals as part of their yuletide celebrations.

What are Homeschool Christmas devotionals?

Each year at Christmastime, I used to feel over-whelmed at the thought of continuing a full home-schooling schedule. 

But then, I found that if I combined an old family tradition of nightly Christmas devotionals with our daily "Table Time," I could still be consistent with covering some learning basics.

This idea also enables me to simplify our daily lessons, help my children build their testimonies of Jesus Christ, and allows us to enjoy the festivities and lovely feelings of this very special time of year.

The booklet will have SEVENTEEN devotionals that you can use between December 1st and December 23rd. That is enough devotionals for 5 days a week from the beginning of the month until Christmas Eve.

This new resource will come directly to the email boxes of those who subscribe to this blog. 

To do that, fill in the "Subscribe" box on the right sidebar. >>>

How do the devotionals work?

There are several options for each day's devotional-- and the beauty is that each family can choose what to include in their own devotional, and what they don't need. But the options are there for them!

For our family, I like to include:

• A scripture for copy-work (handwriting practice)
• A Christmas carol to sing together
• A beautiful piece of artwork to study and discuss or replicate
• A short story or poem to read aloud

Another great thing to add is a chapter book that the family is reading aloud together throughout the season. (See the booklist of suggested Christmas read-aloud books at the back of this booklet for some ideas.)

I hope you will enjoy these devotionals as much as our family does.

Don't forget to subscribe to this blog in the right sidebar to get yours on December 1st!

Lots of love,

Mama Rachel

Strong and United Families

Even when we have struggles, when a child goes astray, or outside difficulties cause despair, we can still be united in love and kindness as a family. 

In fact, it is the LOVE we have for each other that carries us and brings us together as a powerful force for good.

If we daily repent, keep praying together, share the word of God with one another in order to keep the Holy Spirit in our home, and then love UNCONDITIONALLY, we can still have an STRONG, UNIFIED family!

Even though I have have a struggling son, he knows that we love him and that he is always welcome in our home. He continues to be an integral part of a family who needs him.

And that is making all the difference in the healing of our relationship.

Love,

Mama Rachel

So Many Great Things

Halloween at Dad's work party

 It has been quite some time since I last updated this blog with all the personal goings-on at our house, and for that I apologize. 

Honestly, I have been busy this last year trying to figure out what the Lord has planned for me, and what I should be focusing on. 

With our baby now being over age two, and no more babies seeming to appear on the horizon-- not to mention learning to navigate the world with adult children-- I have been doing quite a bit of self-examination. 

Here are some of the questions I've been pondering:

• Who am I, now that I am moving out of the "having-babies" years?
• Which of my too-many projects should I focus on?
• How do I give up on some of the projects I have started?
• Should I really try to turn any of my projects into businesses?
• Which ones?
• Which projects should I abandon?
• Why do I make my life harder on myself?! (HA!!!)

Great Thing #1

In the meantime, I have had to put off answering some of these questions, because our oldest son recently had something GREAT happen to him:

Down on one knee...

He has been dating an adorable girl that he has grown to love, and just over a week ago, he asked her to marry him!

Amanda + Brennan

The wedding is set for January 13th in the Gilbert, Arizona LDS Temple. YAY!!! 

*much rejoicing all around*

Thus, planning a wedding has become my newest, most immediate project. Funny how the Lord answered that prayer for clarification, huh?

Great Thing #2

My darling 18 year old daughter

My second daughter (fourth child) recently finished something very difficult that she has been working on since she turned twelve years old. In our church, our young ladies in the Young Women's Program can earn an award similar to the Eagle Scout for boys, but the goals and achievements are focused more on their relationship with God, and their self-improvement in many areas of life.

She received a medallion necklace charm that she can wear throughout her life to remind her of God's love for her, and all she has learned and become in the past six years.

This is an enormous accomplishment for our daughter, and we are so grateful for the good she is doing in her life!

Great Thing #3

So grown-up!

Last week, our sweet eighth child turned ELEVEN YEARS OLD!

I can hardly fathom this fact, but there she is above, looking more pretty and grown up than ever.

*sigh*

She didn't ask for any toys on her list, but I couldn't bear to have one of these last few birthdays before teenage-hood happen without toys, so I did buy her a doll.

And she loved it!

*whew!*

Great Thing #4

My husband and I at Halloween

This last "Great Thing" has been affecting me even more personally than all those other great things above, and it is the most difficult thing for me to talk about.

Ever since I became a teenager, I have struggled with my weight and my self image.

And finally this past year, I have been personally working through my Church's twelve step program because of my addiction to food.

It is very difficult for me to share that so publicly, but at the same time, it is silly for me to pretend that I have not had a healthy relationship with food for most of my life.

After spending the summer working through the first few steps of the program, I heard a podcast interview with a lady named Susan Peirce Thompson. 

After hearing her talk extensively and scientifically about food addiction, my husband and I did all kinds of research on her and her program to help people overcome that addiction. He was ready to begin adding Bright Lines to his eating habits, but I was still not ready.

After a month of watching him, pondering, praying, and studying the guidelines for health found in our religion's Word of Wisdom, I decided to set some Bright Lines for myself.

Though we have not purchased a program, or using any special ingredients or products, this new way of eating has been going VERY well for both my husband and I; he has been tracking his weight, and has now lost more than forty pounds! I have not been tracking my weight, but I have had the brain fog lifted from my mind, better health and looser clothes and even shoes. 

I know we have a long was to go, but it has been so helpful to support each other on this new path. Even more importantly, we have found that as we follow the Lord's plan for our health, and ask for His almighty help in prayer, we can literally overcome the food addictions that have taken over our lives for many years! 

I am excited to share part of my "Great Journey Out of Addiction" here with my wonderful readers, as well as the other "Great Things" we have coming up.

Much love, my friends!

Mama Rachel

Priorities as a Mother

"Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." 

~Thomas S. Monson

I am embarrassed to admit that I too often have a weakness for being caught up in the unimportant and brushing aside the things that are important to my children.

Today I need the following reminders:

• My children are not distractions from my work-- they ARE my work!
• Nurturing my family includes the mundane tasks as well as being present for the pivotal crossroads of life. And both are my calling and mission from God. 
• God is counting on me to love and raise these children to become the people that he needs them to be.
• My efforts in my home are ETERNAL. My efforts with my projects and business are only temporary.

TODAY I will focus on the hearts of my children, rather than the scope of my influence out in the world.

TODAY I will be the mother God and my children need me to be.

TODAY I will keep my focus and priorities where they should be.

I know I can do it, with the Lord's help.

Love,

Mama Rachel

Traditional Homemaking Skills: Are They Relevant Today?

It's been more than six years since I wrote THIS, and yet it's still the most read post we have here at the Old-Fashioned Motherhood blog.

I actually feel it's not my best writing, but as I have pondered on why the subject is something that resonates with people, I have come to realize some things:

1) We live in a day when most things are temporary. 

In the modern world, we might wonder why we should repair clothing, or cook meals at home when we can get a new outfit or a delicious, warm meal by driving down the road and spending relatively little money.

Unfortunately, this mindset has made its way into essential elements of society itself, such as marriage. But that's a post for another day...

2) We are becoming more dependent upon large corporations and government agencies.

I continue to ponder about my appreciation for the ease and comfort of our modern world while still yearning for the strength and liberty that hard work and self-reliance generate.

So while a cake mix is much easier to make than baking a cake from scratch, processed foods will never be as healthy to eat as home-baked creations. The same can be said for produce we buy verses the gardens we grow, and businesses we create as opposed to corporate or government jobs.

Everything has a price; so has our convenience come at the cost of our independence? It is a paradox, for sure, but can a balance be found? 

I believe that this is one of the biggest challenges of our day and age!

3) We are losing vital skills that will not be easily found if they are ever needed again.

This concern was the catalyst that drove me to create this blog back in 2007. I took a good, hard look at my mother and grandmothers, and realized that they had a wealth of homemaking knowledge that I would most likely never have in my lifetime. 

While I am so grateful that I have not experienced the hardships that my fore-mothers have faced, I feel the loss of their skills as a nagging concern in the back of my mind.

In an article from the U.K. website DailyMail back in March of 2012 (See a more easy-to-read version here), they present the findings of a study done among younger women with regard to their homemaking skills.

Some of the homemaking skills that women under age 35 don't know how to do include:

• Baking bread
• Sewing on a button
• Making gravy from scratch
• Baking a pie
• Making jam
• Knitting
• Sewing

Beyond baking pies, if our delicate technology one day fails, will I know how to wash clothes with little water and no commercial detergent? Or bake bread without electricity? Or sew clothing for my children to wear?

I do not wish to be an alarmist, but I DO want to be prepared! And so I learn about solar ovens, and homemade laundry detergents, and how to store large amounts of water. I think of the time I spend studying and learning about self-reliance to be insurance against the possibility of future troubles.

(If you, like me, want to learn more about how to run a household "off-grid," this family's YouTube channel inspires me and gets my mind pondering on how I can be more self-reliant no and in the future. Check them out!)

4) The connections between mothers and children are becoming weaker as mothers outsource instruction to others.

Our grandmothers and great grandmothers learned vital homemaking skills by assisting their mothers in their own homes. For most of families in modern society, this is no longer the case!

As a teenager, I remember asking my mother if she thought I should take a Home Economics class for one of my electives (this was in the 1980's). She laughed and said that she and her sisters used to think their Home Ec. classes in high school were ridiculous because they could do so much more than they were ever taught in the classes at school. My grandmother had taught them all to work and care for a home from the time they were babies.

Unfortunately, I was personally so busy rehearsing in plays and choir concerts, that there were many basic homemaking and cooking skills that I never learned by the time I had a home of my own to run. I did eventually learn all I needed to know for my homemaking career, but it took many years of trial and error to be the homemaker I am today.

While I am extremely grateful for the vast amounts of information and support now available online, there is something a little sad about learning to cook a roast from a stranger rather than to learn how one's mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother cooked their own. 

I can't help but feel that something gets lost from our family cultures and traditions along the way. 

I mention all of the above, simply to say that I truly believe that traditional homemaking skills are not only relevant in today's world, I feel they are VITAL for the future of society.

What can we do NOW? 

First of all, we can ASK. 

We can text, email, or even call, our mothers, aunts, grandmothers, cousins, or sisters, and gather their recipes, hear their stories, and get together to share stories, memories, and food.

One thing I did do before I left home was to copy all the recipes my mother had gathered from her mother, aunts, sisters, and grandmothers over the years. 

There is a special feeling knowing that I am making the same salad my grandmother brought to every family gathering over the years. 

She may be gone, but I have a part of her with me as I cook, sew, bake, and nurture

Secondly, we should share what we have learned with our own children. We can take time to let them help us prepare a meal or a special treat. We can work together with them in the home, garden, and yard so they learn how to care for the things they are blessed with. We can spend less time running around, and take more time to be together at home, as a family.

Imagine a world where homemakers and mothers everywhere come together to support and encourage one another as we "preserve and promote the skills and ideals of the traditional homemaker-mother."

Picture a future where our children and grandchildren connect with parents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, cousins, and grandparents so they can pass on those traditions that will keep their own families vibrantly cared for and nurtured at home.

We can make it happen!

With love,

The Sheep Is Worthy

Jesus, the Good Shepherd by Warner Sallman

"The sheep is worthy of divine rescue simply because it is loved by the Good Shepherd.
It matters not how you became lost—whether because of your own poor choices or because of circumstances beyond your control. What matters is that you are His child. And He loves you. He loves His children. Because He loves you, He will find you. He will place you upon His shoulders, rejoicing. And when He brings you home, He will say to one and all, 'Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.'”  

~Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Today, I took my troubled young adult son to an orientation meeting across town for his new job that starts tomorrow. After he had been inside only a moment, he rushed back out, his face flushed, slamming the door as he climbed back in our van. Apparently, he had forgotten the necessary paperwork to attend the orientation, and now has to go on another day, and won't get to start his first work day tomorrow.

Earlier I had been annoyed that I had to take him half an hour away from home on a hot afternoon, telling him sarcastically that he owed me a milkshake when he gets his first paycheck.

But in that moment of his frustration, all I felt was love.

On our way home, I felt impressed to pull over and buy us both a small ice cream cone in the drive-thru. 

After I put in my order, he asked me, "Why would you say that I owe you a milkshake, but then you buy me ice cream on the way home?"

All I could do was smile and say "Because I love you."

And as we rode home with our drippy ice cream cones, we had one of the best conversations we have had in quite a long while.

Did I do anything? 

No. Not really. God did. 

The Lord reminded me that He loves us all, no matter what mistakes we have made.

And He makes it possible for me to love my son, even when he is not perfect, either.

I pray that one day, my wayward son will come to know that his Heavenly Father loves Him-- because his mama does.

Love,

The Martyr Momster

"Christmas Rush" by Norman Rockwell

Look out, kids...

She's BACK!

It's the MARTYR MOMSTER!!!!

We all know her. She sneaks into our homes now and then, especially after a rough day of toddler messes, teen drama, and/or lofty plans gone horribly wrong.

Her tale is a sad one, usually beginning on a day full of high hopes. A mother wakes. Her intentions are right, and yet every little thing that can go wrong, does.

It's a tale of woe that is all too familiar...

Sunday Morning

This past Sunday morning dawned, and though we had gone to bed late the night before, which caused the younger children to miss their baths, I was confident that we could still make it to church on time. 

We gathered for family scripture study just after 7am (Sleeping in-- wahoo!) It was Fast Sunday, so that meant that I did not have to make much of a breakfast; just toast for the under 8 years old lot.

Our meetings start at 10:00am, and we send the first wave of people over at 9:30am to save* us a bench in the chapel. *(With more than a dozen people in one family going to church, we HAVE to save a long bench, or we won't get a seat all together!)

I reasoned that two hours would be plenty of time for all 14 people in our house to use two bathrooms. Here's the breakdown:

• Seven individual showers for those individuals over age 10 in the kids' bathroom,
• Three little girls in the master bedroom garden tub at one time, and done in a flash!
• One little boy in the garden tub would be a snap, as long as he didn't think he was getting any play time,
• One quick dunk of the toddler girl who is terrified of water and despises baths,
• Two adults taking turns showering in the master bath shower.

I was optimistic. We could do it!

Two hours later, there was chaos: soggy towels flung far and wide, tears over missing shoes, primping teenage girls, an empty diaper bag, and Mom still un-showered, while untangling bedhead hairdos on five little girls and one little boy. 

Dad took the kids that were ready, and I was left behind with the rest.

I'm certain you can guess what happened next.

Melt-downs. Blaming. Yelling. Exasperation. Frustration. Self-Pity.

THE MARTYR MOMSTER HAD ARRIVED.

Aftermath

The irony of becoming an ogress while preparing to worship the Lord was not lost on me. I was well aware of where I was going-- of WHY I was going.

But it was all so UNFAIR! Why did I have to be the one to make sure the little girls' hair was done? Why did I have to make sure each little person was clean?? Why did the little boy need to find his dress shoes instead of throwing on the Batman loafers???

WHY????

Oh, yeah. Because I cared. 

The realization shocked me. It was all so absurd!

Time stood still, though the clock ticked away. The best moment to leave the house for our meetings had come and gone, and I was standing in front of my bathroom mirror making sure that my lipstick was just right, while feeling all kinds of sorry for myself.

I began to LAUGH out loud.

The pouting part of me thought: "But I am doing this to show God how much I love Him!"

But then, the Real Me said: "You are not. You are being hyper-vigilant about your family's outward appearance in an attempt to fit in with the beautiful people in your congregation."

And then I had to stop laughing because I knew the Real me was speaking the TRUTH.

Here I was, letting the Martyr Momster take over and cause hurt and damage to my little ones over something as ridiculous as "looking good."

OUCH.

Let's Review

Ladies, I know I am not alone when I say that we moms don't like it when the Martyr Momster sneaks her way into our homes. But there isn't a woman alive that has not invited this nuisance of a guest in, from time to time.

We may not always be able to keep the Martyr Momster away, but I have been pondering on my experience this past weekend, and have come up with a few tips that might help in the future:

1) Preparation

When we started a movie on Saturday night without bathing the kids first, a little voice in my mind reminded me of the upcoming church meetings that would be taking place in the morning. I think I half-heartedly mentioned it out loud at one point, but then I never followed through with doing anything about it.

There have been Saturdays when clothes were gathered and checked for cleanliness, shoes placed carefully, babies washed and dried, and I had a peaceful evening, knowing that I had done all I could do to prepare for the Sabbath Day. 

Those days of preparation don't come as often as I'd like them to, but I do know that they can be accomplished. I know for myself that a prepared mother is a happier mother!

2) Priorities

Sometimes in all the busyness of life, I forget what is truly important. I am so determined to make sure things look "right," that I lose sight of reality-- I don't recognize that my "fixes" are making things all wrong!

Of course I know that my relationships with my children are more important than whether my children look clean or rumpled. Of course I want my children to be able to feel the the love of God when they attend church meetings, rather than feeling badly about themselves.

In my anxiety to make everything "perfect," I had broken the hearts of my babies.

And that was a sure sign that the Martyr Momster had taken over, and that my priorities were NOT in alignment with my beliefs! 

3) Perspective

In moments of frustration, my perspective as a mother is very limited. If I am caught up in chaos and self-pity, it is impossible to see the bigger picture-- my view of the eternal disappears.

If I prepare my children for church meetings with the intention of leading them to Christ: 

• I will take a moment to dunk the kids on Saturday night before I put the movie on. 
• I won't be worried about whether my own clothes are stylish enough and beat myself up over my thinning hair. 
• I won't cringe when I see that the five year old has cut herself some bangs-- again. 
• I will smile as I recognize the virtuous beauty of my teenage daughters. 
• And I will let my little boy wear the Batman shoes.

If I prepare, prioritize, and keep an eternal perspective, we just might avoid seeing the Martyr Momster any time soon. 

At least on Sunday mornings.

Lots of love,