Monday, May 3, 2010
Why do I do it?
Why am I so very hard on myself?
Why is it that I can see the wonderful things that other women do, but never feel that what I do is enough?
What is "Enough"?
I have high expectations of myself-- I do. But I never seem to fulfill any of them.
My ambitions soar. My results? Not so much.
And so the cycle continues. I try things. I add more things. I fail.
And then I give in to discouragement once again, thinking that a bowl of ice cream, or some mindless internet surfing will make the pain go away.
But they only make it worse.
My new goal is this: to try to see myself and my fumbling efforts through God's eyes. But then that scares me, too. If I'm not "enough" in my own eyes, then how can I possible be "enough" in His?
I think I just heard God chuckle and then lovingly say "You ARE enough. Don't keep yourself away from me because you think you're not 'good enough.' I think that you are."
So I pick myself up, dust myself off, and go do something that truly rejuvenates me, like praying, sewing something for someone I care about, reading a little child a story, calling someone who might need to hear a happy voice, or like giving my husband a good kiss.
You know, ice cream can be highly overrated.